Epiphany
by Skryva
Summary: This is probably AU. Story happened weeks after Red, Tom, and the Task Force saved Liz and Agnes from Alexander Kirk. A little bit of Keenler.
1. Weird

Authors note:

This is probably little AU. The story happened weeks after Red, Tom, and the Task Force saved Liz and Agnes from Alexander Kirk. A little bit of Keenler. Character's thought was written in italic.

 **Weird**

Donald Ressler was late. Again. Lately he had a serious sleeping problem. He could not sleep until 3 or 4 a.m. As the consequence, he could not fight his own body to continue to sleep for one or two hours before 8 a.m. Today was a different case, though. He was really overslept. But for days he hadn't had any care about it. ' _There are more members now in the Task Force anyway._ ' he thought. It was Tom Keen. ' _And Keen has affiliation with Halcyon Aegis_ , _so sometimes he involved Mr. Solomon and the gangs_.'

Ressler turned off the engine of his car, rubbed his eyes and sighed.

' _It's weird. The last eight weeks have been really weird.'_ He thought. Walking to the war room and seeing them there. It was an impossible scene. Too bad to be true. At least he felt that way. After Alexander Kirk's case, many things had changed in the Post Office. One main change he had never expected was the assigning of Tom Keen in the Task Force. He had not been in good terms yet with the Keens, especially Tom. But they had Agnes, and Tom needed a job. Teaching job was not suitable for his true self. Red said it was only temporary. It was like a training for Tom before moving to Halcyon Aegis. So, Ressler tried hard to adjust himself. The important thing was they got results – blacklisters and whatever Reddington had in mind regarding his weird relationship with Liz. And he could go home earlier because works had been easier lately.

' _So, I should have a good feeling about it, right?_ 'He asked himself thoughtfully. He sighed again before opening the door of his car and slamming it shut.

"Oh, there he is." He heard Reddington exclaimed when he walked toward the middle of the war room.

Everyone's eyes were on him.

He couldn't help but feeling annoyed. As far as he remembered, they usually started debriefing without waiting for him when he was a little late. So, what's their problem now?

"Has the way to this place been blocked only for you lately, Agent Ressler?" Red asked him, looking annoyed as well.

Ressler felt too tired to defend himself.

"Sorry." He muttered. "You can continue. I'll catch up."

Red frowned at his response.

"Don't worry. We haven't started." Harold Cooper said to him.

"We waited for you." Liz added.

Briefly, Ressler met her worried eyes – then looked to the other Keen standing next to her. To his surprise, the guy looked a little bit concern too. ' _Or is he only acting?_ '

He moved his eyes to Red.

"Well, I'm here. Shoot."

Reddington let out an audible sighed and turned his head to the big screen. He asked Aram to do something and started his profile on a blacklister.

Ressler tried to focus his mind on what Reddington told them. Basically, this blacklister had a deep connection with one of the members of the Cabal and he knew that Liz was still alive. But they still did not know where the blacklister was. Then he heard Cooper said to him.

"You go with Tom to ask the informant. Samar will go with the back up team to infiltrate the building."

' _Huh?_ _Weird assignment._ ' Ressler thought. Usually they paired him with Samar or with the back-up team, or sometimes with Liz if it's only for a stake out or interviewing an informant. ' _Well, these days have already been weird enough. Today won't ever get any weirder, right? And this has a connection with Cabal... it means Liz and Agnes are still in threat... After all this is only temporary... So...sure, I can do it.'_

Ressler dismissed himself without so much saying anything. Tom followed him.

"Donald," Reddington called him when he was walking to the elevator with Tom beside him.

Ressler turned around. Looked at him and wait.

"A word." Red said boldly when he realized Ressler would not come any closer soon.

Ressler stood still for a moment before following him. From the corner of his eyes he saw Liz approached Tom.

They moved to the corner not too far away from the elevator.

"Listen," Red said in a low voice but all seriousness to him, "I know what you must feel about the situation currently. Nevertheless, whatever it is that swirling inside your heart and mind... it has to stop," He paused before stressing the next words, "right – now."

Ressler looked at him incredulously and snorted.

"What? Do you think I will kill Tom?"

Red only looked at him. Concern clearly filled his eyes.

"Is that the reason I've been assigned to this talking job with him?" Ressler struggled to keep his own voice low. "Seriously? Do you think I'm desperate enough to plan to hurt him and make it looks like an accident?"

"No, Donald." Red replied him. There was a hint of sadness in his voice. "You're too dignified for that."

Sometimes Ressler wondered himself how Red's words could sweep his anger away like a bunch of water poured out into the fire. Just like that.

"I just don't want you to act stupid and get yourself killed." Red added.

Ressler thought for a moment and gave him a snarky smile.

"Well, don't worry, I'm too good for that."

Then he left Red deep in thought.


	2. Hit

**Hit**

Ressler drove in a considerable speed. A very thick silence filled the FBI's SUV they rode. ' _Keep calm and get it done fast_.' He repeated it in his mind like a mantra.

"I envy you." He heard a voice beside him.

"Huh?"

"You and Reddington." Tom said.

Ressler swerved to the right, looking at the rearview mirror.

"What about him and me?" he asked without looking at him. His face looked grimmed.

"There are trust and care."

"Trust is earnt, Keen." He gritted his teeth. ' _And I don't trust you._ ' He did not say. "And he cares about Liz." He added, looking at rearview mirror again, slowing down.

"Speaking of care, Liz worried about you." Tom put in mildly.

He felt irritated inwardly. ' _Oh, please don't start that bullshit again._ ' But sarcastically, he responded, "Don't get so jealous. I'm not her soon-to-be-husband-again."

From the corner of his eyes he could see Tom Keen was spreading a sly smile then shaking his head.

"Seriously, why do you come late recently? You don't even get your hair gelled." Tom pushed him.

That statement made Ressler turned his head and glared at him with ' _Are you kidding me_?' look.

Tom laughed. "Liz told me. See, she cares."

Ressler looked back on the road ahead him without saying anything, gripped the wheel tighter.

He heard Tom sighed while he was looking at the mirror on his left door.

"Look, if this is because of me.."

Ressler cut it with his "Son of a b***ch!" remark.

And seconds later, a voice of shattered glass could be heard as their body were pushed to the front because another car had hit them from behind.

"Shit!"Tom cursed and looked at their back. "What the hell?"

"We've been long followed!" Ressler looked again in the mirror.

"Aram, can you hear us?" Tom spoke and drew his gun out.

"Gun!" Ressler shouted when he looked again at his rear-view. He pressed the gas pedal deeply, trying to get away while he heard the shooting contest between Tom and their tracker.

"Save your bullets, Keen!" He shouted.

"Just drive, I'm a good shooter!" Tom shouted back.

Ressler hit the brake, then gas, brake, gas again. The chase and the shooting kept continuing until suddenly Ressler hit the brake, this time really deep. Their car stopped.

"Are you crazy?" Tom shouted at him. But Ressler did not even looked at him. His eyes were straight ahead of him, his face full of anger. Tom looked at his direction. Another car blocked their way. A masked man come out from the car, carrying a long gun, threatened them, instructed them to come out from the car with his gun. From a far they could hear police alarms were coming closer.

"Keen!" The man shouted. "Get out!"

Ressler and Tom looked at each other. Shocked. Then in a split second Ressler suddenly knew what to do. "Trust me." He said to Tom before opening his door slowly and raised his hands. Tom followed him quickly, out, raising his hands too.

"Are you looking for me, Pal?" Ressler asked while moving closer, slowly, to the masked man.

"What the..." Tom said then realization hit him. He followed Ressler, moving closer. "No, I'm Keen, not him. Don't listen to him." He continued.

"Stop! Both of you! Don't move any closer!" The man shook his gun nervously.

Ressler felt a movement behind them. They had been surrounded. Three men in total against them. Two of them were carrying guns. One in front of them, two were behind them.

"Who the hell between you are Tom Keen?" The man in front of them repeated the question.

"I've said it already! I am Tom Keen! You can take me if you want, but leave my partner here!" Tom said desperately.

Ressler looked at Tom. His face was sad.

"Why do you do this, Ressler?" He asked.

Tom raised his eyebrows in anger. "No, I won't let you doing this!" Tom shouted to him. But Ressler looked straight at the eyes of the masked man, starting to beg. "Listen, you can take me, but leave my wife and kid behind, please..."

Tom pushed Ressler behind. "Ressler!" He protested. Ressler calmed him. "Please, take care of my wife and kid..."

"No, you won't do this! I won't let you!"

They had a sort of arguments, each of them acknowledged each self as Keen, until they both heard gun shot into the thin air from behind as a warning for them. As fast as the wind, Ressler drew his gun out, turned around, and fired at the man behind them who just fired his gun up to the air second ago. Tom, fast read the changing of situation, kicked the man in front of them. Ressler's bullet hit the second man down instantly, but the third man had already pulled his gun out. It happened so fast. Ressler lunged forward when the third man fired his gun, blocked Tom's body from the line of another bullet, and fired back. He could see the third man was down before his own back hit the ground.

There were so many sounds after that. Tom shouted his name. The police alarms were getting closer and louder.

Cold. Heavy eyelids.

"Hey, stay with me! Stay with me!" Tom's voice entered his mind.

' _Why would he say that? Why is it so cold? Why is it silent? Where are the sounds?'_

Blurry. Then faded to black.


	3. Crossroad

**Crossroad**

Tom Keen watched his near-to-be-wife-again put a soup container and a small box into her bag. His eyes were speculative.

"You don't need to do this, you know." He said.

"Yeah, I know." Liz said without looking at him because she was busy arranging things inside her bag before zipping it. "But I want to." She continued and slipped her head and body inside her sweater.

"You've done so much. You visited him everyday. You brought him his clothes. You talked to him when he's in coma. You literally spent more nights at hospital than here. You don't have to spend the night at his place, too." He sounded irritated.

Liz slung her smaller back across her shoulder and picked up the bag which contained the foods while saying like it was not a big deal, "Ressler doesn't have anyone to take care of him." She headed to the door. "C'mon before we're late."

But Tom did not move.

"Doesn't have anyone?" He iterated her last sentence vehemently. "Oh, please, Liz! He's a big guy. He can take care of himself. Besides, he's Reddington's golden boy now! You told me yourself that Dembe will drive him home today. And Mr. Kaplan is ready anytime."

Liz rolled her eyes and opened the front door. "We don't have time for this."

"Hey! Will you look at me when we're talking?" Tom voice was loud enough to stop her track.

Liz turned back to him, glaring angrily.

Tom stepped closer to her.

"Do you even realize that Agnes also needs her mother?" He asked. Accusation filled his tone.

Liz became furious.

"Are you insinuating that I don't take care of her good enough?"

"She spends longer time than necessary at hospital or under Kaplan observation. What kind of care is that?"

"It's my style to take care of my daughter in the way of life I have now. I'm trying to give the best I can in this current situation! How dare you to critizise my life after all we've been through?!" she practically yelling to him.

"It's my daughter too that we're talking about!" He leveled his voice to her.

"You only meet her when the night comes." Liz snapped.

"It's because I work, Liz, remember? For you and Agnes!"

"Oh, so it's our fault now? Flash news: you don't need to work anymore if you don't like it! We don't need your money. I'm able to provide my needs and Agnes by my own!"

"Yes, you do! See, the thing is you even don't need to work for hours at the Post Office! You could have stayed at home until your probation end."

Liz did not believe her own ears. ' _Now he changed the subject to the work?_ '

"I love my job. I always do and you know that!"

"No. It's not only that, Liz. Do you think I'm a fool here? I know why you do what you do especially now. Since Alexander Kirk, and we're back here, I know you feel very guilty because you – we – have lied to everybody, including your friends. And Agent Ressler – I don't know what kind of relation you have with him – but I can see there is something more. Now you try to win him back, to wipe away the guilt, to mend the broken relation by doing everything you can for him, but you forget you have a different life now. You have Agnes and me."

"For God sake, Tom," Liz shouted, "He saved your life! He has done so much – even when he hated it – to keep me safe, too!"

Tom laughed harshly.

"He's doing his job, Liz. And in case you forget, I also have done so much, put my life on the line, for you and Agnes!" He pressed it.

Liz's blue eyes grew bigger. ' _Unbelievable!_ ' "This isn't a competition, Tom! If you're the one who's got shot, I'd do the same!"

"I'm sure you'll do. Because I'm your husband. But it disturbs me to see my wife's life occupied enough for this man who has this longing look whenever he lays his eyes on her!"

Silence. Both of them glared one to another.

Liz finally said bitterly, "We've never said the vows... The first was fake... and the second was unfinished... I am a free adult woman. But there is never a thing between me and Ressler. You'll never understand because he's not like you. He's ..."

"A good guy, huh, Liz?" Tom cut her off. "The type who'll steal your heart. Like a school-teacher type guy you've ever fallen ..."

Liz stunned, speechless.

Tom sighed.

"I love you. I'm trying hard to be a better person for you and our daughter, for us. But ever since we got back from Cuba, and then he had near-death experience, I could not reach you anymore. So, I need to know whether this worth the effort or not."

Liz did not expect this.

"Is there still us, Liz?" Tom asked her.

She thought she could answer that. But nothing came out.

Tom shook his head sadly.

"Look. I won't be at home for days or even weeks - I can't tell. Hargrave needed me at Halcyon. It'll give you enough time to think."

Liz did not respond. She let him walk to the door without a look.

"Elizabeth," She heard Dembe called her from the opened door. Liz looked up.

"Shall we go now?" He asked.

"Yeah." Liz answered weakly and followed him out.


	4. Closer

**Authors Note:**

This is the final chapter. Thank you for every reviewer. I really appreciate your reviews. I hope we can get more keenler in S4.

Please, enjoy the story = )

 **Closer**

Ressler sat down on his couch while listening to the sound of water splash down on to the sink in his kitchen with mixed feelings. Liz was washing the dishes.

 _ **Flashback**_

 _That afternoon, Dembe and Liz – the later he didn't expect – picked him up at the hospital and drove him home. After that, Dembe left him with her. She then literaly took care of him – provided the foods, instructed him to take a rest and sleep, helped him take his medication, and did not allow him to do anything in his own appartment. He protested at first but gave up for her determination and his own tiredness and not so healthy well-being after being treated for almost two weeks at hospital. When the night came he found Red was at his door with Agnes. Apparently, Liz or Red – he was not sure – had pre-planned that day's activities to make him as comfortable as he could so he did not need to worry about food and just resting as long as he wanted. They had dinner together. He admitted silently that Reddington indeed had the best style for food. They had some nice conversations during the dinner. Most of the time he just observed, elaborated when he needed, and enjoyed the moments because Reddington had so many stories to share. Well, what could he say. The old man liked to talk. Somehow he felt like having a family. It was like an old dream he did not dare to dream again was slowly coming back. After the dinner, he thought they all would go home. So, he was perplexed when she asked him with those blue big eyes,_

" _If you don't mind, can we - Agnes and me -_

 _stay here tonight?"_

 _Ressler looked at her, not quite sure know how to respond._

" _Uh..." He glanced at Red who put his fedora and coat, ready to go home. Dembe was already at his door._

" _You need well treatment, Donald._ " _He heard Reddington said without looking at him "See you tomorrow, Lizzie." Then he went to Agnes box to chat with her._

" _Liz,.." he found his tongue back. "I'm okay. This is not necessary."_

" _Why are you so thick-headed?_ " _She complained, her tone was soft._

" _Look, you have done a lot. You need rest too. I don't –_ "

 _His own words were swallowed by her pressing tone._

" _Ressler_ , _please._ "

 _He couldn't say no to those two determined eyes._

 _ **\- end of flashback**_

So there he was thirty minutes later after putting Agnes to sleep in his guest room while Liz washing the dishes.

"Hi, I thought you'd already slept."

He looked up, found her smile spreading. Not that he minded, but he had decided to clear his mind right away.

"Why would you do this, Keen?"

She stunned for a while, seemed did not expect that kind of question from him. Her smile faded slowly.

"Do what?" she asked back, her tone changed into a more serious one.

"This over-exaggerated treatment over me." He emphasized it.

"Oh." She sat next to him. Chuckled. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm not. But you are over-exaggerating what I do."

"Really?" His tone was down. "Someone tipped me off about you –and sometimes Agnes – stayed overnight at the hospital. And now... move to my place." He said calmly.

Even in the dimmed light of his livingroom, he could see the colour rose to her cheeks.

"May I know your source? Is it Aram or Tom?"

"A tip is a tip, Keen. It's anonymous. But you missed the point."

Liz sighed and looked at him.

"Why can't you just accept that someone cares about you a lot more than you know."

He looked at her for a moment, before saying carefully, "Look, I really appreciate your help all the time I was at the hospital, but you don't have to treat me like I'm a vulnerable person at my own place."

Liz kept her eyes on him for a while, then shrugged.

"Ok. We'll be back home tomorrow morning right away – before you even realize it."

Ressler ignored the hint of annoyance in her voice and let a relieved sigh.

"Good. Thank you." He said as earnest as he could.

"Great!" Liz tone was up, clearly annoyed.

He ignored her and got up.

"I think we should sleep now." He said.

Liz did not respond back. At the same time he did not feel the need to hear her response, so he just started to move away, headed to the stairs.

"Just keep in your mind," He heard Liz said and stopped, "Next time you plan your own death, tell me first, so I can kill you myself."

Her words strucked him hard, made him turned back to face her. Eyes level.

"Excuse me?" He frowned, confused.

Liz got up and approached him like a storm.

"Do you know what you looked like the last two months before the shooting or I should say before you planned to be a martyr?"

"What? Keen, you –"

"You looked like crap!" She cut him harshly. "You didn't seemed to have any care about yourself! It looked like you only had one wish – a death wish! And on the day when you and Tom were attacked by an anonymous from Tom's past... I couldn't believe you're so willing to give yourself without so much thoughts!"

Ressler folded her arms and looked at her angry eyes.

"What do you want, then?" He asked tiredly. His voice was low. "All I know is I was trying to survive – to grasp the reality, to keep working and save the day. I'm only human, Keen. If you expected me not to feel downhearted with our system, our government, the injustice, all the lies and betrayal, you'd be dissapointed. What could I do? I couldn't fake it like you or Tom did."

Liz stared at him, stunned. Ressler swallowed hard when he saw her face. He realized it was too late to abort his words.

She nodded understandably.

"Fine. If that was the way you got back at me for what I did then you win. Goodnight, Ressler." She walked passing him by without so much looked at him.

Ressler cursed himself inside, grabbed her arm, stopped her.

"Keen..." he said softly, trying to get a good look of her. But she tried to let go herself. Ressler brought her face looking at him. His heart was broken when he saw her blue eyes brimmed with tears.

"Liz..." He said again. Liz shook his head, her lips closed tightly, clearly fighting for not to cry. "I didn't mean to –" He tried to continue but Liz hit his body hard with her fist. Once. Twice.

"I heard your heart stopped for a while there." She sobbed.

He held her arms, pulled her close to him. But he kept feeling her fists hit his chest. It was hurt.

"You're dead, Ressler." He heard her saying. Her body was shuddered. He inhaled the cold air deeply and whispered softly that now he's here and would not going anywhere. Her hits were reduced in intensity and frequency before stopped completely. Her one hand was clutching the fabric of his shirt, while the other slowly found the way to his back, returned his embrace. She was crying. He hugged her tighter. His eyes were closed. Feeling her -their closeness.

"You'd never been unconscious in a very long time before. I didn't think I would see you again... breath... alive..." He heard her mumble between her sobs. Somehow he could tell how she had felt. His own feeling of her death not long ago felt oddly familiar.

"I wasn't try to get back on you, Liz.." He said with regret in his voice. "It was harder days for me dealing with the work. And about the attack... I just thought Agnes needs his dad..,. and you need –"

"I also need you." Liz cut him and looked at him seriously. "Please promise me you'll never do some random stupid things again." She begged him.

Ressler looked down and sighed. He wiped out the track of her tears with his fingers. The darker side of the room hiddened his own misty eyes quite well.

"Sure, Mom, whatever you say..." He slowly smiled.

Liz returned his smile.

Ressler pulled her again. He couldn't help himself for not giving a deep kiss on the top of her hair.

He felt she stiffened for a second, then relaxed against him.

"Come on. Let's catch some sleep." He said. Liz said nothing but following him when he dragged her with her hand in his own. He stopped himself in front of the guess room.

"Good night, Keen." He said with a weak smile.

"Night, Ressler."

Then he remembered something.

"Uh... you don't have to leave so early in the morning tomorrow.. I mean, if you don't mind?"

Liz laughed. Looking at him.

"Sure, Pal, whatever you say..."

He smiled widely at her answer.

That night for the first day in the last months Donald Ressler slept with a smile in his dream.

The End.


End file.
